


No Words

by andrearitsu



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Self-Hatred, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:44:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrearitsu/pseuds/andrearitsu
Summary: Chisato have been asked by Kanon to meet her early in the morning as she has something important to tell her. What Kanon doesn't know is that Chisato is in love with her. What Chisato doesn't know is that Kanon has a love of her own.





	No Words

The cafe tables outside Circle stood empty, which wasn’t out of the norm for a Sunday morning. Even so, Shisaragi Chisato couldn’t help but find the solitude somewhat ominous. She had received an email from her dear friend, Matsubara Kanon, just last night.

**“Let’s meet up before practice tomorrow, I’ve got something I want to tell you.”**

It wasn’t rare for Chisato and Kanon to meet up for a cup of tea, they did so at least once a month, but it was rare for Kanon to be the one asking her out. She wasn’t sure what this was all about, it wasn’t even that long since they last met up either.

“One tea, please.”

“Most certainly.”

She sat down, the morning breeze still being somewhat cold on her skin. She’d normally have sugar for her tea, but something bitter felt more fitting her mood at the moment. In fact, bitterness had fit her better for quite some time now.

It was around Christmas she realized she had feelings for Kanon, feelings unlike anything she had felt since a long time ago. The idea of bringing it up with her terrified her, not because she expected Kanon to judge her for her sexuality or anything, but rather the finality of learning if Kanon felt the same way.

Besides, she was an idol. Her world was different from Kanon’s, she shouldn’t be dating anyone, let alone another girl. Pastel*Palettes couldn’t afford a scandal like that, not after they had finally gotten off the ground. Chisato closed her eyes and listened to the chirps of the birds and the noise of the few cars around.

“Well if it isn’t Chisato~”

Her moment of relaxation was interrupted shortly thereafter. The voice was sharp and deep, she knew exactly who it belonged to. Frankly she was the last person Chisato wanted to meet this morning considering her mood.

“Kaoru, you’re up early.”

“Misaki-san booked the studio for morning practice, I figured I’d arrive a little early.”

“What, so you could flirt with the girl by the counter?”

“Chisato, you wound me.”

“I try my best.”

“You know I have eyes for none other than you.”

“I believe you, assuming there’s no one else in sight at the moment.”

“So cold, yet we used to be closer than anybody.”

“Used to is the key part of that.”

“I see. I take it you wish for me to leave you be?”

“Seta Kaoru excusing herself? What has the world come to?”

“Until next time, my dear.”

“If there is one, old friend.”

She watched the tall handsome girl enter the front door to the studio, leaving her alone once again. There was a time when Kaoru’s flattery made her feel like she was floating on clouds, but these days it was just a painful reminder of how she was just another girl to her.

Yet she couldn’t help but envy Kaoru’s boldness. Not only was she open about her taste in partners with pride, she was able to mold herself into whatever role that partner might need. Chisato on the other hand, could only play the same part over and over.

They were both liars, actresses at best, traitors at worst. But where Kaoru’s act would often make others feel happy and loved, Chisato knew hers led to the opposite. It wasn’t Kaoru’s fault, but she blamed her for it regardless.

“Chisato-chan!”

Chisato snapped out of her daze when she heard her name called out once again. This time it was the person she was here for, Kanon. It didn’t even take a second for her to put on her false face. A confident iron smile that no actress, not even Kaoru, could dare match.

“Kanon-chan! Good morning.”

“I hope you didn’t wait long.” Kanon sat down in front of Chisato, “I misplaced my IC card and had to take a later train.”

“Not at all! I just got here.”

A lie. She had arrived about twenty minutes ago. Of course, she wouldn’t tell Kanon that, nor would she tell her that she had run into Kaoru earlier. She wouldn’t want her to worry about anything, Kanon deserved better than that.

“I’m gonna order something to drink, one second.”

“Of course.”

Kanon left for the counter as Chisato looked down at her tea she had been sipping. It had gone a little cold by now, but she didn’t mind that. Soon enough Kanon came back with her own cup, sitting back down across the table.

“You said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Well…” Kanon was blushing as she looked down at her tea.

“It’s nothing bad I hope?”

“Not at all, it’s actually the opposite.”

“That’s reassuring, so what is it?”

“Remember that cruise I went on with the other members of my band?”

“You told me about it, the whole phantom thief charade, right?”

“Yes, well, there’s something else that came from it and I wanted you to be the first to know.”

“Something else?”

“Chisato-chan, I…”

“You?”

“I have a girlfriend.”

Chisato put down her cup on the table as she felt her heart sink. A girlfriend? Did she hear that right? Maybe she means she’s got a new friend who’s a girl? No, there’d be no point in bringing that up this way. She’s serious. Chisato had never found it this hard to fake a smile, but she couldn’t let Kanon down, not like this.

“Wow, that’s amazing!”

“It’s such a weight off my chest to have told you.”

“Oh?”

“I was worried that it might seem strange for me to be dating a girl.”

“Not at all, that’s normal these days, isn’t it?”

“Is it?”

“Of course.”

Maybe not a lie, but definitely a stretch. While same gender relationships were becoming more accepted, she couldn’t bare to tell Kanon that she found it normal because of her own sexual preferences.

“To think, it might not have happened if the phantom thief hadn’t appeared.”

“Hold on a minute, Kanon-chan. Exactly who are we talking about?”

“Ehm, Misaki-chan, from my band.”

“Well, that’s great! What does that have to do with the phantom thief?”

Chisato had heard the story of the phantom thief and the cruise. Kanon was “kidnapped” by a mysterious phantom thief for the sake of playing games with the other band members. Though Kanon never said it outright, she could tell the whole thing had Kaoru written all over it. That fact alone was giving Chisato a headache.

“She asked Misaki to confess her love to me on stage.”

“As an act, right?”

“Well, yes, but her feelings were real.”

“What a coincidence…”

“I suppose you could call it fate, heh.”

“I’m happy for you, Kanon-chan. I’m glad you’ve found someone.”

“I’m glad you’re supporting us.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t dare do otherwise. It’s bad enough that I’m forbidden from falling in love due to my profession, others shouldn’t suffer the same fate.”

“I hadn’t thought about that. Isn’t that awful? Not being allowed a love life at all?”

“Oh, it’s fine… I’m used to it. There are worse things than not falling in love.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh nothing, don’t mind me. Today is a happy day.”

“Chisato-chan, thank you for being such a great friend to me.”

“Yes, we’re friends… Let’s not have anything ruin that.”

“Yeah!”

“So, I need to run. Got appointments and such, but you need to introduce me properly to Misaki-san someday, okay?”

“Of course, take care!”

More lies. Chisato’s schedule was cleared out for the day and if she was to be called in for anything she was frankly not going to pick her phone up. Instead she went back home and right to bed. Not to sleep, just to disappear.

She was happy for Kanon, of course she was. But she was also sad and frustrated that she let herself get caught in the same trap once again. Twice now she had fallen for someone only to let those feelings hurt her in the end. She was supposed to have gotten past that, to have steeled herself and become immovable.

It was _her_ fault. No matter how she looked at it, it all came back to _her_.

Hours passed, morning turn to day and day turned to evening. Chisato didn’t sleep at all, nor did she answer her phone despite it ringing several times. As far as she was concerned she didn’t exist right now. When she finally moved from the bed the clock was already past nine.

She felt lonely. Lonely in a way she hadn’t felt in years. All because of _her_.

There was a cure for this loneliness, but she knew that if she went for it everything could easily just get worse. Even so, she needed someone to just make her feel anything but the way she was feeling right now. She didn’t care if it was real or fake, as long as she could fill that void.

And so she put on some clothes and left her home once more. It was colder now than in the morning, but she didn’t feel it in the same way she had felt it then. She got on the train, barely even trying to hide her face as she sat down.

Soon she arrived by the station she was heading for and she made her way to _her_ door. She knocked on it and waited. A few seconds later she heard the sound of the door being unlocked from inside before it was opened, revealing the girl behind it. Seta Kaoru.

“Chisato? Why are you-”

“Ssh…” Chisato put her finger to Kaoru’s lips, “No words.”

She lowered the taller girl’s head and kissed her, moving them both inside. She barely gave Kaoru time to close the door before undoing her hair, letting it fall down on her shoulders. Chisato always thought Kaoru looked better with her hair down in the first place. Of course, she wouldn’t tell her that.

Kaoru followed her lead, picking her up off the ground and kissing her back with more control than before. She let her head rest on Kaoru’s chest for a second, listening to her heartbeat. It was calming, she could feel her worries disappear. She knew it was temporary, but she didn’t care.

The two arrive by Kaoru’s bed. Chisato has seen it before, she remembers the feel of the mattress and the scent stuck to the sheets. It’s like she’s travelled back to a more innocent time, except neither her nor her partner are innocent now. Just two false girls lying to each other about what they feel.

Chisato closes her eyes as Kaoru’s hands begin unbuttoning her blouse, slowly kissing down her chest each step of the way. She’s good at this, of course, she has to be given her reputation. A shiver runs down Chisato’s spine as the last kiss reaches her belly button.

Kaoru no doubt noticed as she focuses in on Chisato’s belly for a moment. Her lips, her fingers, everything hits just right. At this rate, she might just be able to make her forget everything. Chisato opens her eyes again, looking at the beautiful woman lying down by her waist.

Their eyes meet, both of them thinking the same thing. If they continue past this point, neither of them will be able to pretend this didn’t happen. Kaoru’s sharp gaze asks a simple question and Chisato’s lingering stare answers it bluntly.

_“Yes.”_

What follows is a moment of ecstasy. Kaoru’s touch, taste and technique making a short moment feel like an eternity. Chisato’s toes curl, her knees bend and her hands claw at her partner’s back over and over.

Every part of her body was given attention, there was nothing left that Kaoru hadn’t laid claim to tonight. Her clothes had been tossed to the side and so had her senses. Chisato no longer felt like she didn’t exist, she felt like she was the sole person in this world apart from Kaoru.

She wouldn’t call it making love, that would imply this would mean anything come morning, but whatever it was - it was unmatched by anything else she felt right now. As she caught her breath, Kaoru embraced her. She was warm.

Chisato could fall asleep like this. She could fall asleep happy, wake up in the morning and go on with her life. Yet the warmth of her partner’s embrace stirred something up inside her and she started crying. Softly at first and then openly weeping as she tried to hide her face in Kaoru’s chest.

“Why is it always you?”

She broke the silence between them for the first time since the door closed.

“Why… Why is it…”

“Chisato, what’s going on?”

“Why can’t I escape you… Why can’t things for once not come back to you.”

“I’m not sure I understand. Did I do something wrong? I thought-”

“No… That’s the problem. You don’t even have to do something wrong.”

“Chisato, try to breathe.”

“I was finally over you… I had found someone else… But then you turn up and play matchmaker for her.”

“Oh… That.”

“I can’t even go to school without hearing about how you’ve made some new girl fall for your prince nonsense.”

“Chisato, I’m just trying to make them happy.”

“I know! That’s what I hate the most about you. You make so many people happy and yet… I’m the one left hurt in the end.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why can’t I let go of you?”

“It’s okay.”

“If I could just let go of you, everything would be fine.”

“If we could all just let go, none of us would be left.”

“Another ridiculous quote you’ve memorized?”

“No, I came up with that myself.”

“...”

“Chisato, it’s okay. We all have to be selfish at times.”

“When I’m selfish others get hurt, I can’t let that side of me show.”

“It won’t hurt me.”

“Give it time.”

“I will.”

Chisato can’t remember when she fell asleep, only that it happened in the middle of a conversation going nowhere. She was resting on Kaoru’s chest as she woke up, still hearing her heartbeat, now calm and soft unlike last night.

She checks her phone to make sure that the early trains are running before she gets dressed and ready to leave. She turns back towards the bed one last time, noticing that Kaoru is awake as well.

“No one can know of this.”

“I know.”

“I’m not planning on coming back here again.”

“If you say so.”

“Kaoru, one last thing…”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For lying to me when I needed it.”

“If I told you I was being honest?”

“I’d assume it another lie.”

“Of course.”

“Good bye, Kaoru.”

“Farewell, Chisato.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is not exactly Part 3 of Hello, Happy Love, but it is a spinoff sort-of I guess? This takes place after my fic "Once More With Feeling" which is the story of how Kanon and Misaki become a couple after the events of the Phantom Thief story in BanG Dream! Girls Band Party.
> 
> It's also my first published fic on here with an actual sex scene, though it's not too explicit since the characters are technically underage (though above age of consent) and all. I'm not really experienced when it comes to writing sex scenes so I'm not sure if it's good or not, let me know I guess.
> 
> This was not originally going to be how I brought Chisato and Kaoru together, but after talking to a friend about the characters I came to like the idea of them being former lovers and Chisato not being able to let go of Kaoru despite wanting to. And there's nothing more I love than a good angsty fic to truly make my characters suffer emotionally. Because I am a monster.


End file.
